Sat 15th Oct 09
Got so much in my head I hardly know where to start! So, in the words of Julie Andrews.."lets start at the very beginning, a very good place to start"!
Warmed up fairly strong in terms of speed and zero tolerance towards the head flip (returned plus some today which gave me a good indication of D's mood!) Had to really hang on to the rope until he released down. It did work over the session though so I'm keeping to this method as it's the most effective yet. Did some weave, porcupine, extreme FG with pad and C/S, foot up onto mounting block then set off for a walk intending to do sideways and driving from z4 while out & circling when I got back.
D was great out, a lot of the walk our footsteps were completely in time. I practised my singing as my throat is - at last- feeling better (& I've got til Mon to learn as "As long as he needs me!") and D seemed to like it so that was encouraging! Very little grass diving, great climbing on the banks, good in the woods - more confident than last time - so really pleased with him. On the way back, I felt really happy that, at last, things are starting to be more intuitive for me in this system. Like driving a car, I don't have to think about every thing I do any more.
I was keen to get back, get on & do nothing so, being short of time, when I got back to the field, I skipped circling. I know you're supposed to walk, trot & canter on-line before you get on but going for a walk will always show up any demons lurking so I felt safe to get on.
So, this is where it started to get interesting - as I learned a lot about me today......both because of today - and reflecting on my lesson.
To start with, my lesson....I was dead keen to get on D but, thinking about it now, when I got up, I really only wanted to do what I wanted to do, which was to sit still, do lateral flexion and interrupt any brace. I think this is a) because I have a plan which I am convinced will work long term - therefore I am comfortable with it and b) I feel safe with this plan.
So, had I thought this through before, I could have said to Terri that that was all I wanted to do and we could have had a nice chat while I sat and did (hopefully!) nothing. Anyway, as I wrote, we tried to get D to walk about a tiny bit but he was very bracey & skeptical - starting from me disengaging the HQs - which I have deliberately avoided for ages as I have decided to only passenger for as long as it takes D to be confident to walk about.
So, whilst D was tense, I'm sure I could have contributed to his negativity by not being up for it myself! I was also aware that I wanted to bend him every time he got tense. Terri said "just rub him, don't grab him all the time or he'll come to expect it and this could set up a brace". I didn't like this advice much at the time as I don't feel safe when the brace sets in - it's the fear of what might happen next - so I'd rather make a pre-emptive strike. If I'm honest, I thought to myself later that I might not take that advice as me feeling safe was my number one priority!!!!
Fast forward to today, I got on and sat - singing - (not easy sitting down!) waiting for D to relax. He did not! I can feel the tension in his back and the fact that he was not grazing said it all. We've gone backwards a bit in this respect. I'd given myself more time today as, since it's been getting dark, my "ridden" time has been squeezed a lot as I've been loathe to cut down on the groundwork.
After about 10 minutes, D plucked up the courage to graze and even walked a bit after Moet which is when the first spook happened. I had already got off and back on a couple of times when i could see D staring intently at things yonder. We got so close to M, I brushed my foot against his rug. M jumped and so did D. That was it, no more. but I quickly disengaged & got off. D wasn't bothered by this I'm glad to say. I got back on straight away.
D fluctuated between grazing and gazing and then came the next spook. A bird flew up out from behind the shed. M jumped & so did D. This time, because I'd sat the jump and survived, I didn't feel the need to get off! I just sat & rubbed & sang! Aha.....something was starting to shift in my mind, memories of similar feelings bubbling to the surface. Eureka!!!! I remembered that when I started to sit on Ollie in the field, I would jump off at the slightest whiff of danger...and I mean slightest! Over time, each time I got off and saw that, actually Ollie was not going to P off round the field just because Mollie did etc, I grew in confidence and next time, stayed on longer.
Now, here's the big revelation...I thought back to why I was unconfident on Ollie when I got him back. It wasn't because of the napping. That's not scary, it's annoying. It was because a) I was in a big field with a lot of running space and b) I was sitting on a bareback pad with a rope halter for brakes!!!
So Terri was so right when she said we could really do with a round pen! That would fix concern A - which is a valid one. As far as concern B goes, I have got to deal with my own insecurities about falling off due to losing my balance and lack of control as this is nothing to do with D. I have always been worried about my balance - which is why I bought a big western saddle for Ollie - I wanted to hold on to the pommel in an emergency!!! Also, Let's face it, my number of hours riding in a halter on a BB pad are minimal compared to years with saddle & bridle.
Well, as I'm not about to saddle & bridle D up, I have to recognize these fears and deal with them as best I can. For me, that means, the more success I have and the more I don't fall off or get run off with, the more confident I become. I do know a lot more about balance now through Parelli but I need to work on this all the time.
So, I was having a huge lick & chew after the "survived spook" & at last, D was starting to relax too (connected?!! Cesar would say so!) he did LOADS of yawning and then started to blow out to which I gave him a lot of "Good Boys" as he really responds to this. Alas the clock was ticking but i stayed on another 5 mins then got off thoroughly pleased with D - and myself too if I'm honest. And why not...I've bared my soul here today which has been therapeutic. I hope it will also be cathartic!
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