The "Just a bit more" syndrome

I am not going to try to remember exactly what I did on different days here as I've got behind and just need to catch up! More particularly, I need to write about my "Just a bit more syndrome".

When I got the first lightbulb, I felt rather pleased with myself , thinking I'd got "it" all sussed out. Probably just as well I didn't blog then although it would have been interesting to revisit my feelings at the time. The next visit was a terrible one and I ended up feeling angry with myself - and with Duncan - and then I felt I didn't know what the hell I was thinking about!!

This is how it happened:

I took D into the "Big Woods" with the hope of getting a bit further than the last time. My long term hope is to be able to walk to meet Amy and hopefully ride with her as Moet is out of action at the moment and may be for some time. (I NEED a hacking partner so I don't die of boredom!).

I digress, D went past the Secret Garden, past the New Forest (rather an unseemly wrestle to get him to leave the grass there!) and up to the pinch point entrance which I always think of as the "Crocodile Spot" (long story....D had a very long stand-off there once which reminded me of Ollie whenever he passed a log which looked like a crocodile when we were in Kent. Yes, I know this is a barmy and extremely tenuous connection but there it is!).

Past the crocodile and into the shade of the woods. Mm, we'd been through about 3 thresholds to get here and D was "eyes about!" True to his conservative RBI nature, he was not moving is feet but his brain was working overtime!

What did I do? Whilst pausing here my mind was already thinking "Right, just a bit more!" "Let's get to the other side of the glade and then we'll go back!" Fortunately, something stopped me (probably the fact D was continuing to goggle!) and I suddenly thought "WHY?!"

WHY do I always need to ask for "Just a little bit more"? I really don't know! Or perhaps I do know. I think it's partly:

1. A residue from my traditional training where you always aim to get the horse to finish the exercise "well" - which usually means drilling them. And it's got to be on your terms or the horse has "got away with it" i.e. whatever wasn't going so well!
2. I am comfortable pushing myself where my mind is telling me not to go (fear). I want to make progress and I know that a lot of my fear is just baggage from the past which I do not want to heap on to the present situation/horse.

One perfect example of this was with Ollie. I was always nervous in open spaces on him as he had a lot of "Go" and I thought of what could happen based upon things that had happened on other horses in my past. Ollie himself never gave me any cause to be nervous. It was my baggage and mine alone. So, I would feel the fear and do it anyway and do my damnedest to make sure Ollie didn't feel it too. I guess I'd liken it to the parent with a phobia who is determined not to pass it on to her child!

Getting back to this particular day, looking across to the tempting far side of the glade.....I had a revelation that I didn't actually need to go there!

Then I reflected upon just how many times I'd insisted on "just a bit more" when Duncan had actually already given me one hell of a lot! So there it was - my illuminating lightbulb. There and then I decided to experiment with this and - forthwith - retreat after 2 major thresholds had been passed.

Great! So good in fact that I rode D back up the road when I got there and he was totally chilled. To demonstrate this, he walked over to a bright sign attached to a tree, sniffed it then turned his head round for the anticipated treat! I felt fantastic that he was LB with me on his back ALL ALONE!

I feel like a cuppa at this point but will continue to the bitter end now! My next visit was not so successful ("Oh Dear" moment following....):

I dashed up with one hour to spare....... Spot the first mistake!.....Chucked the tack on and hurried off the property.

Duncan was spooky but I was in a hurry and was hoping to get and ride back again....Yes, here's the second!....

He didn't even want to go as far as the cricket field. This is not even half as far as he went the time before!!! Yes, yes, I know it was windy and both the horses were flighty that day but come on....I only wanted to get to the end of the road for goodness sake!

I got to the end of the road, completely forgetting about my previous pledge. It didn't apply that day because Duncan was being unreasonable spooky and we were never going to get ANYWHERE if he wouldn't feel the fear and do it anyway!! Oh, and add to that I'm so BORED with this silly behaviour. Can't we just go out, actually go somewhere and have some fun?!!!

Ahh, all the emotions...I can recall them more easily now but I was pretty mad back then! I thought/raged:

• How on earth do people get these sort of horses to hack out alone?
• Surely, despite my pledge re the 2 threshold thing, I can't be expected to honour it on a day when D won't even walk up the road?
• Surely he has to be "made" to go a bit further? It can't be right that I say, "That's OK, let's go home" when he's barely got out?
• Won't this end up with us not even getting out of the gate?!!!

Whoah! I felt so muddled up. I was going to put a negative post on KIN - something like "Help! How long does it take?!" I didn't get time to post and now Time, that old healer, has straightened my head up and I see all my mistakes clearly. Plus....I had a really good ride today!!!